Twas the night before Christmas And all through the house The whole damn family was drunk as a louse. Momma in the whore house, Daddy in jail, Sister on the corner yelling p***y for sale. I heard a noise outside that tattered, So I sprang from my grandma, To see what was the matter. I flew to the window like a flash, Slipped on a beer can and busted my ass. What to my wondering eyes did appear, But a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer. And a little ole driver, That was beating his d**k. I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick. I heard him call to his reindeer, Dash, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen Get on those walls Before I bust your balls. He came down the chimney like a bat out of Hell, Then I knew that fat ass had fell.

He filled the stockings with rubbers and beer. And turned and stuck his finger up his rear. I heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight. F**k you all it has been a Hell of night.